bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
