peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
