If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
