I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
