I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
