I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
