Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
