I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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