i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
handjob tips. give me some.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
