I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
