I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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