My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
