a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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