I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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