My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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