I wish my penis had an off switch
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
