Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
