my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
