No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
