david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
