Swine flu. Run for my life!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
