areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
