I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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