just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
