Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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