Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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