found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
