Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
