his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
