and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
