threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
