My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
