i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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