Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
