So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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