dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
