We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
