I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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