5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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