Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
