so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
