RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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