i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
