Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i out mim tonsoeep
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