my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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