He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
