Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
