I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
