I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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