Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
