CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
